


Searching for the D(eidara)

by YamatoMyTomato (KinoKahn)



Series: Kakashi & Yamato's Terrible Adventures in Terrible Sex [4]
Category: Naruto
Genre: KakaYama - Freeform, M/M, Saisaku, Sakura throws rocks at Naruto, he deserves it, period mention, slight Sai/Sakura
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-02
Updated: 2015-05-02
Packaged: 2018-03-26 18:36:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3860371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KinoKahn/pseuds/YamatoMyTomato
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was supposed to be an easy espionage mission, but Team 7 never makes anything easy for Yamato.  Sakura gets her period a week early, Sai doesn't know how to cope with that, and Naruto's coping method involves more teasing than necessary.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Searching for the D(eidara)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FriendshipCastle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FriendshipCastle/gifts).



> Sorry there is absolutely no roleplay sex in this fic. I probably need to change the series title. This fic doesn't really take place at any specific point in canon.

Kakashi was on forced bedrest again, having survived another borderline-suicidal attack that resulted in catastrophic levels of chakra failure. He had been deemed well enough to go home, so he was busy taking naps on the sunny spots of the bed and reading whatever porn novels Yamato had politely left within reach.

Yamato loved lazy days at home with Kakashi more than anything, but Tsunade was a task master and, with the rest of the team in fighting condition, she sent Team 7 + Yamato out on a high-ranking espionage mission.

The objective wasn’t too complicated: they were to collect any information on Akatsuki possible by following a lead originally uncovered by an ANBU team. Supposedly, Deidara and Tobi were camping out near Tanigakure. According to the ANBU report, Deidara was injured, so hopefully he and Tobi would not be moving for some time. Tsunade had instructed Yamato and Team 7 to avoid confronting them unless absolutely necessary; Tobi’s abilities had yet to be fully deciphered, and Naruto really needed to work on his espionage skills anyways.

 

Yamato, Naruto, Sai, and Sakura hurdled at near full-speed towards the Land of Rivers. Tanigakure was midway between Konohagakure and Sunagakure, and they were two days into the journey. Although Yamato didn’t sense anything in the woods ahead, he had the team traveling in a fan formation, with Sai and Naruto forty yards to each side and Sakura, as the team’s medical ninja, thirty yards behind him.

When there was a loud crash, the sound of snapping branches and crushing leaves, Yamato assumed that it was Naruto slamming around more than necessary. He glanced to his right to confirm these suspicions, but Naruto was bouncing and hurrying among the trees as usual.

So, without changing pace, Yamato looked to his left. Sai was not there.

Yamato signaled for Naruto to stop, and they both stopped to silently crouch in the branches.

“Captain!” Sai shouted through the woods. “Captain! Come here!”

So much for it being a stealth mission. Sai sounded frantic, and Yamato darted in the direction of his voice with Naruto close on his heels.

Yamato had been taking precautions, but the intel had indicated that there were no enemies in the area. Tanigakure was still a day’s journey west, and Deidara was in no condition to be moved.

Sai was crouching on the ground, one arm wrapped around Sakura and holding her up.

“Captain,” Sai said as soon as Yamato jumped down from the trees and landed next to them. “I don’t know what’s wrong with Sakura, she suddenly fell, and—”

“I’m fine,” Sakura said bluntly. The palms of her hands were pressed against her stomach and she was scowling at nothing in particular.

“Sakura, what’s happening?” Naruto yelled from up in the trees.

“I’m fine,” Sakura said again, this time louder. She began to get to her feet, but Sai pulled her back onto the ground.

“Sakura, are you injured?” Yamato asked. He shifted so he was sitting next to her, opposite Sai. “You need to tell me. Immediately.”

“I’ve just.” Sakura hunched over and continued holding her gut. “I’ve just got really bad cramps. I’ve never had them this bad while on a mission.”

“Muscle cramps? Did you hurt yourself? I thought you always stretched before a mission?” Sai was already fishing a water bottle out of his bag and holding it out for Sakura. “I’ve only ever massaged out my own muscle cramps, but I can try to massage yours? Where specifically is the cramp?”

“It’s not really that kind of cramp,” Sakura said. She took Sai’s water bottle and drank.

“Oh.” Yamato said. “Uh.”

Kakashi would probably be better prepared for this, Yamato realized.

“Are you having lady troubles?” Naruto yelled down from the tree in a sing-song voice. Sakura threw a rock at him, but didn’t deny it.

“Lady troubles?” Sai asked.

“I told you I’m fine,” Sakura said, and she pulled away from Sai so she could get back to her feet. “I’m sorry I worried you, but I’m okay. It just came a week early and I’m not fully prepared.”

Sai, however, didn’t seem convinced. “What do you mean by lady troubles? Does it have to do with being a kunoichi?” Sai grabbed her hand and tried to pull her back to the ground, but she wouldn’t budge. 

“Do you seriously not know what we’re talking about?” Sakura asked.

Yamato scratched the back of his head. “Honestly, I’m surprised Naruto knows.”

“We were on a mission together the first time Sakura had her period!” Naruto yelled down from the tree. Sakura threw another rock at him.

“Period?” Sai asked.

“Uh. Well. A few times a year—” Yamato began.

“Try once a month,” Sakura interrupted. Her eyebrows were knit together and lips curled up in slight disgust. Or confusion. Maybe both. Yamato cleared his throat.

“Once a month,” Yamato started again, “kunoichi undergo a process. By. Um. By which some of their internal organs fall out.”

Sai’s mouth dropped open and he stared at Sakura. “Your organs fall out? How? How do you survive that? Why are you on a mission, shouldn’t you be in a hospital? This sounds really dangerous.”

“Captain, you don’t know how periods work either, do you? Just give me some damn ibuprofen, I already used all of mine. I’ll give you guys a health lesson later.” Sakura held her hand out and waited while Yamato dug through his backpack.

Naruto was hanging upside down in the tree. “I can explain how they work! Kakashi told me and Sasuke while you were crying in the bushes your first time!”

Sakura threw a third rock, and this one hit Naruto square in the face.

 

The mission went downhill from there. Sai wasn’t at all convinced that Sakura wasn’t dying, and he watched her constantly for any signs of her impending death. He even tried to accompany her into the bushes during a bathroom break, which earned him a punch to the face.

“It’s best to not talk to girls about these sorts of things, and just know that they’re going to be more sensitive during this time of the month,” Yamato offered as he helped Sai shove tissues up his bloodied nose.

“Sensitive?”

“Yes. It’s my understanding that they’re more likely to cry, make rash decisions, and get angry.”

“Who the hell told you that shit?” Sakura yelled from the bushes. 

Naruto, hanging upside down in a tree again, cleverly said nothing.

“Um. Danzo? He told us that’s why the ANBU kunoichi weren’t allowed to lead missions, in case they were going to lash out and act irrational because of their… um. Womanly troubles,” Yamato said. He realized four words in that he was definitely saying the wrong thing but just stumbled on.

Sakura emerged from the bushes. “Well that sounds like a load of sexist shit.” She prodded Yamato in the chest with her finger. “And if you try to treat me any different because I’m on my period, I will either kick your ass or tell Tsunade. Maybe both.”

Naruto tried to egg them into a fist fight from up in the trees while Sai nodded and said, “You’re right Captain, kunoichi are more sensitive during their monthly brush with death.”

 

The mission wasn’t going as planned at all. In theory, they only needed one more day to reach the outskirts of Tanigakure, but frequent bathroom breaks and Sakura yelling at Sai for worrying too much resulted in the trip taking twice as long.

Sakura had finally explained how menstruation worked to Sai, but he was so disturbed and concerned that knowing the truth didn’t actually make him calm down. Instead, he made Sakura carry one of his ink mice on her shoulder so, if anything happened, the mouse could tell Sai immediately. On the one hand, Sakura thought Sai’s concern was sweet. On the other hand, the little ink mouse chattering constantly in her ear was driving her insane and Sai wouldn’t stay at his place in the formation because he kept coming to check on her.

Naruto just laughed at Sai and kept shouting embarrassing things at Sakura.

“Sakura! You’re bleeding through!” Naruto yelled over his shoulder, and Sakura immediately dropped out of the trees for a bathroom break.

“No I’m fucking not, Naruto!” she yelled back into the trees, “don’t joke about that!”

Yamato sighed and tried to get them to pick up the pace, but then Sai slammed into a tree and broke his nose. Naruto couldn’t stop laughing.

 

“Hare yo hure yo hab enup hakra for dis? Cuz orgib bal ou?” Sai asked. His fingers pinched his nose shut and Sakura fiddled with her medic bag.

“Periods don’t drain chakra, I promise,” Sakura said, “And like I already told you, my organs aren’t actually falling out. It’s just the inner lining of one organ.” Sai didn’t believe her, so she had to physically pull his fingers away in order to start her work.

Meanwhile, Naruto picked his nose and offered to donate any snot necessary for the procedure.

Sakura threw a rock at him.

 

The bandages across Sai’s face obscured his vision somewhat, but Sakura and Yamato were both pretty sure that his nose wasn’t permanently damaged.

“You’ll still be just as pretty once it heals up,” Sakura assured him, and Sai could only reply with a muddled “yo dink m preddy?”

Sakura didn’t answer, and instead she stared out towards the hollow tree where Deidara and Tobi were supposed to be making camp. Yamato was busy summoning some wood clones, and Naruto was still picking his nose.

“Alright, remember this is an espionage mission,” one of Yamato’s clones said. “Avoid engaging unless necessary. We’re here to collect information. Usually they’d send ANBU for this, but Tsunade wanted Naruto to get some practice with subtlety. As long as they don’t detect us, we’re going to try to camp out in the area for at least four days. The priorities are: how injured Deidara is, what their future movements may be, and anything about Tobi. Absolutely anything. The guy is a complete mystery.”

Sai started to nod, but stopped to press his hand over his bandaged nose.

“Sakura, do you think Tobi can smell blood?” Naruto asked, and Sakura dropped to the ground so she could find a rock to throw.

Yamato tried to hush them, but the rock hit the side of Naruto’s head and he fell out of the tree, breaking a few branches along the way.

“Hush! Mission! Stealth! Espionage!” Yamato hissed, but Tobi was already standing in front of the hollow tree, wearing an apron and waving at them.

“Senpai! We have visitors! They are from Hidden Leaf! Should I invite them in for tea or do you want to throw your art at them?” Tobi yelled.

Yamato scooped Sakura under one arm and Sai under the other and ran, Naruto chasing after them.

 

They were four kilometers away when Yamato decided it was safe to set Sakura and Sai down. He was doubled over, panting, as Naruto came up behind them and said “Tobi decided we should come in for tea, so I don’t think they’ll be throwing bombs at us.”

Yamato waved a hand in the air while he continued trying to catch his breath. “We should keep going anyways.”

“You didn’t have to carry us, Captain,” Sakura said. She folded her arms across her chest.

“Thank you, though,” Sai added.

Yamato straightened up and stretched. “They’ll be on the lookout now, so we can’t go back. Without getting caught at least. This espionage mission has pretty much failed.”

“Let’s go back anyways, maybe Tobi will give us tea and we can talk to them,” Naruto offered.

“Naruto, no. Deidara wants to explode us and who knows what the hell’s wrong with Tobi.” Sakura turned to Yamato, who was still trying to stretch his back. “Captain, I’m out of pads. Do you have any?”

Yamato took two steps forward and slammed his forehead against the nearest tree.

 

Tsunade was not happy to hear Yamato’s report about the failed mission, and was downright angry when Sakura chimed in to mention that Yamato hadn’t understood how menstruation worked and had told Sai sexist things.

Tsunade sent the kids home, but kept Yamato there so she and Shizune could lecture him and remind him that kunoichi were just as capable as male ninjas, regardless of what the time of month is. Tsunade threw in a few “I could kick your ass any day of the month” comments to drive the point home, then sent Yamato away once he had apologized and assured Tsunade that he knew Danzo’s way of thinking was very misguided.

 

Kakashi was cooking ramen in the kitchen when Yamato opened the apartment door. He was wearing one of Yamato’s baggy sleep shirts and an old pair of Yamato’s boxers.

“Those aren’t your clothes,” Yamato said as he sat down at the kitchen table, “And you’re supposed to be in bed.”

Kakashi waved a spatula at Yamato without turning to face him. “And you’re still supposed to be gone. Weren’t you going for an extended recon mission in Tanigakure?”

Yamato groaned and put his head against the table.

“That bad?”

“You have no idea,” Yamato replied.

Kakashi slopped some ramen into a bowls and set them down on the table. “Talk. I’m sure I’ve had a worse mission with those idiots.”

“Sakura had her period which terrified Sai, Sai broke his nose, and they blew the mission objective. Naruto was, well, Naruto.” Yamato started picking out the mushrooms with his chopsticks and dumping them into Kakashi’s bowl.

“Yeah that doesn’t sound like a fun mission.” Kakashi sat down and started on his own bowl of ramen. “But at least Naruto didn’t turn into a fox demon?”

Yamato shrugged. “I just want to sleep, honestly.”

“But I want us to have awesome sex.”

Yamato groaned into his ramen and continued picking out mushrooms.

 

As soon as they were done eating, Kakashi tried talking his way into Yamato’s pants again. “We could do it slow, like you like it. Or we can do it right here, in the kitchen, on the counter. We haven’t fucked there for at least a few months. You’re kinda sweaty from your mission, we could have bathtub sex. There is a world of opportunities for us, so many different places where you can put your dick in my ass.”

“I just want to cuddle,” Yamato admitted. He gently dried and stacked the dishes Kakashi handed to him. All the yelling from Naruto, Sakura, and Tsunade had given him a headache, and Sakura had used all of his ibuprofen.

“We can cuddle after we bang,” Kakashi offered. He finished vaguely scrubbing the spatula and handed it to Yamato, who pushed Kakashi away from the sink so he could re-wash it.

 

When Yamato finished putting away the dishes, he turned to find Kakashi leaning against the bedroom’s doorframe, hip cocked in a manner that, had Kakashi been wearing anything else, Yamato would have found sultry. To counter Kakashi’s half-baked attempts at seduction, Yamato had an equally half-baked plan in mind.

“You don’t look very sexy while wearing a shirt that baggy.” Yamato grinned.

“No, I look super sexy,” Kakashi assured him.

Yamato covered the small distance separating them and ran his hands through Kakashi’s greasy, unwashed hair. “Ah, I’m sorry I was mistaken.”

Kakashi leaned forward to kiss him and tug on Yamato’s shirt collar.

“So you wanna have sex now?” Kakashi asked when they parted.

Yamato shrugged. “Sure, why not.”

Kakashi pulled Yamato backwards through the doorway and kissed him until the backs of his knees hit the bed. Then he pulled away, yanked the baggy shirt and boxers off, and flopped down naked.

“You get the lube, let’s do this,” Kakashi said. “Take your shirt off too. It’s better when you’re naked. Usually.”

Yamato stripped down to his boxers, leaving his mission wear in a pile on the floor that one of them would surely trip over on a midnight venture to the bathroom. Kakashi wiggled around on the bed and blew kisses at him. Yamato ignored him though, and instead collapsed on top of Kakashi, kissed his cheek, and pulled a blanket over them.

“You were just playing along!” Kakashi whined. “Rude! You just wanted me for cuddles.”

Yamato wrapped his arms around Kakashi and buried his face in the crook of Kakashi’s neck. “Mmm yeah. I just wanna cuddle. It was a bad day.”

Kakashi groaned and hugged Yamato back, running his hands up and down Yamato’s spine until Yamato fell asleep.


End file.
